I’ve decided to start a new blog so that I can keep copies of my writing all in one place. I often prefer to write twitter threads or poetry, rather than a big blog post, because I’m busy looking after my two beautiful babies. So sometimes I will just copy a thread or poem in to a blog post and save it here that way. I might also see if I can dig out old blog posts from years ago to add here, and I’ll occasionally write new blogs. If you read any of my writing, then thank you in advance 🙂
I’ve been on Twitter for many years now. I’ve had different accounts along the way, but I’ve been a part of the Mental Health Twitter community for a while. With that in mind, I think my first blog post here should include the piece of spoken word poetry that I recently shared in written form on Twitter. Many in the Mental Health community have expressed their thoughts on NHS mental health services over the years. We have also lost several friends as a result of suicide, who were also let down by services in different ways. This piece of writing gathers together the things a lot of us have been trying to raise awareness of over the years. I’m pretty sure I can say with confidence that we have all had enough. It’s not Time To Talk, but Time to Act.
They call me things like survivor or thriver
But deep down I don’t think I truly relate to either
It’s frowned upon to call myself a victim despite being a victim of a crime
But this wasn’t your experience. It was mine
It happened to me
And only I can know how that made me feel
My eyes scream at you with the words my mouth dare not speak.
This does not mean that I am weak.
Instead of building resilience, I build walls
I try to shelter myself from the blame they place on me.
It’s my fault.
It’s My responsibility.
To fix what’s wrong with me.
Or be discharged imminently.
They call this Trauma informed care
And pretend that this is all it takes
To ask us
What happened to you?
Asking how many ACE’s are in the pack
Whilst patting themselves on the back.
Forgetting all of their previous mistakes
It’s so wrong it actually physically aches
Trauma informed care
When the care isn’t actually there.
They punish me with a label of Personality Disorder,
Treating me as though I’m some kind of performer
They say, “just ignore her!”
I say, It’s out of order.
They treat me as though I’m a drain on society. Without even considering the effect this could have on me
Stop trying to put a price on me,
You do not get to define me.
No I do not want a cup of tea
And I already had a bath
Mindfulness is not appropriate here
And I have already tried to distract.
They’re telling me I need to be more resilient
They’re telling me I’m manipulative
Saying I’m too ill for therapy
Saying I’m too well for therapy
Pretending that adequate therapy even exists to start with
They also attempt to put a time limit on my recovery
What is this skulduggery?
I deserve better than this
We all do
They call me things like
Dependant on services
Not engaging with services
Splitting the team
“Alleging” sexual abuse
Even though I’m not alleging anything
It’s the truth.
You will not silence me
Lessons will be learned, they say
But who will be the teacher?
When all those with the correct knowledge
End up in a meeting with the grim reaper?
Did you even hear her?
Inquest after inquest after inquest
She was emotionally unstable
We tried to help her but we were unable
She wasn’t trying hard enough. She wasn’t fully engaging. Stop with this shit now
We’re all fucking raging.
They deserved better. We all do.
For any other person who died by suicide when those who were supposed to help them, Failed them.
Fuck this shit.