First blog post – Some spoken word poetry in written form.

I’ve decided to start a new blog so that I can keep copies of my writing all in one place. I often prefer to write twitter threads or poetry, rather than a big blog post, because I’m busy looking after my two beautiful babies. So sometimes I will just copy a thread or poem in to a blog post and save it here that way. I might also see if I can dig out old blog posts from years ago to add here, and I’ll occasionally write new blogs. If you read any of my writing, then thank you in advance 🙂

I’ve been on Twitter for many years now. I’ve had different accounts along the way, but I’ve been a part of the Mental Health Twitter community for a while. With that in mind, I think my first blog post here should include the piece of spoken word poetry that I recently shared in written form on Twitter. Many in the Mental Health community have expressed their thoughts on NHS mental health services over the years. We have also lost several friends as a result of suicide, who were also let down by services in different ways. This piece of writing gathers together the things a lot of us have been trying to raise awareness of over the years. I’m pretty sure I can say with confidence that we have all had enough. It’s not Time To Talk, but Time to Act.

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They call me things like survivor or thriver

But deep down I don’t think I truly relate to either 

It’s frowned upon to call myself a victim despite being a victim of a crime

But this wasn’t your experience. It was mine 

It happened to me

And only I can know how that made me feel

My eyes scream at you with the words my mouth dare not speak. 

This does not mean that I am weak.

Instead of building resilience, I build walls

I try to shelter myself from the blame they place on me.

It’s my fault. 

It’s My responsibility.

To fix what’s wrong with me.

Or be discharged imminently.

They call this Trauma informed care

And pretend that this is all it takes

To ask us

What happened to you?

Asking how many ACE’s are in the pack

Whilst patting themselves on the back.

Forgetting all of their previous mistakes 

It’s so wrong it actually physically aches

Trauma informed care

When the care isn’t actually there.

They punish me with a label of Personality Disorder,

Treating me as though I’m some kind of performer

They say, “just ignore her!”

I say, It’s out of order.

They treat me as though I’m a drain on society. Without even considering the effect this could have on me

Stop trying to put a price on me,

You do not get to define me.

No I do not want a cup of tea

And I already had a bath

Mindfulness is not appropriate here

And I have already tried to distract.

They’re telling me I need to be more resilient 

They’re telling me I’m manipulative

Saying I’m too ill for therapy

Saying I’m too well for therapy

Pretending that adequate therapy even exists to start with

They also attempt to put a time limit on my recovery

What is this skulduggery?

I deserve better than this

We all do 

They call me things like

Complex

Difficult

Dependant on services

Not engaging with services

Splitting the team

“Alleging” sexual abuse

Even though I’m not alleging anything

It’s the truth.

You will not silence me

Lessons will be learned, they say

But who will be the teacher?

When all those with the correct knowledge 

End up in a meeting with the grim reaper?

Did you even hear her?

Inquest after inquest after inquest

She was emotionally unstable 

We tried to help her but we were unable 

She wasn’t trying hard enough. She wasn’t fully engaging. Stop with this shit now

We’re all fucking raging.

They deserved better. We all do.

For Alice

For Helen

For JL

For Katie

For Sarah

For Cynthia

For any other person who died by suicide when those who were supposed to help them, Failed them.

Fuck this shit.

Published by The Diaries of Donna

I’m a proud mummy of two babies - Toddler Tornado and Little Miss. I like to write when I can about a lot of different things. Usually mental health related. I have “lived experience” of mental illness and perinatal mental illness. I’m also a CSA survivor. Warrior Woman. Loving being a mum. ❤️

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